Finding the positive

I learned an incredible amount of information this past year, more than I thought humanly possible. I must also admit that most of it has left my long term memory bank, but I am sure it will come back quickly when I start studying for boards next summer (this is my new optimistic side). One of the greatest things I learned was about myself: I am most definitely not perfect. Now, now...don't freak out on me...I never thought that I was actually perfect, but I did have a pretty high self-esteem...you know, Aggie soccer babe, good grades, great friends, All-American accolades...a fairly fabulous life. Then as much of you know from my numerous self-defeating, ranting blogs over the past 11 months, I was greatly humbled this year. I had to get used to the B average, to not being the best at everything I do, to not being in shape and have a rockin' bod, and had to learn how to set lower goals and standards. While you may think that is pathetic of me, it had to be done for my sanity. I would have been miserable if I had not learned to find joy and satisfaction in a B.

But the point of this blog post is not to be self-deprecating. I want to talk about the positive aspects of being mediocre. I played soccer for the first time last night in 8 months. I stepped on the field with low expectations, and didn't even live up to those. I am in horrible shape. I have lost my quick first step. And let's not even talk about my first touch. It really was a pathetic display of athleticism (which someone pointed out by saying "I thought you were a D1 athlete?" after I whiffed the ball). Surprisingly, I walked off the field afterwards like nothing had happened. After 11 months of being brutally beaten by med school (particularly biochem), I am so used to be a loser and being mediocre that my crazy competitiveness has gone. Out the window. Vanquished. I never thought it would happen, but it has. And praise the Lord, because my competitiveness was just a wee bit over the top.

I have now reached a healthy level of aggression, and I am that much wiser because of it. And you can trust me, because I'm 1/4 of a doctor. :)