How to Lose Weight

Over my 24 years of existence, I have never struggled with my weight or ever even needed to drop 5 pounds for an upcoming event.  In fact, I was told I needed to gain weight by our team nutritionist, but I threw that garbage out the window because I already ate like a fat kid.  Can't fight metabolism, baby.

While I am not saying that I am fat by any means now, I will admit that I do probably have 5 pounds to spare now in my current state.  I decided to make a change in my lifestyle and I actually worked out fairly intensely 4 times this past week (following my old A&M soccer workout book that I found at home).  I have started eating a bit healthier, knowing that that could only help.  Well I figured that I would see immediate changes in my body composition (ie the return of my glorious tight abs and toned arms), but after a week of working out, no pounds have dropped and no fat has dissipated.  

And then I remembered something.  There really is only one sure fire way to lose weight quickly.  And although it may come at some other expenses to your life, you need to only focus on the scale.  That's all that really matters.

It's quite simple: go through a break up.  Nothing makes pounds drop faster.  During my times of rejection and depression that I am unfortunately all too common with, my insatiable appetite for food disappears right in front of my eyes.  The thought of food makes me cringe.  It couldn't be a more perfect scenario for losing weight.  You won't even have the desire to eat.  On top of that, nothing is a better stress reliever than working out, so you will probably start going to the gym more often after the break up than before.

So my plan before spring break is to find a guy, fall crazy infatuated with him, then find a way to make him hate me (see: How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days) so that he will break up with me.  I'll eventually thank him as I am sitting in my bathing suit in Florida in March, basking in the glory of my hot bod.